Все s2s соединения завершаются по таймауту таким макаром: 
I(<0.32085.0>:ejabberd_s2s:404) : New s2s connection started <0.32149.0> 
=INFO REPORT==== 2012-10-06 12:43:33 === 
I(<0.32149.0>:ejabberd_s2s_out:1203) : Trying to open s2s connection: jabberdomain.net -> jabber.ru with TLS=true 
=INFO REPORT==== 2012-10-06 12:43:34 === 
I(<0.484.0>:ejabberd_listener:281) : (#Port<0.29576>) Accepted connection {{77,88,57,177},46316} -> {{78,45,112,159},5269} 
=INFO REPORT==== 2012-10-06 12:43:35 === 
I(<0.32149.0>:ejabberd_s2s_out:365) : Connection established: jabberdomain.net -> jabber.ru with TLS=true 
=INFO REPORT==== 2012-10-06 12:53:35 === 
I(<0.32149.0>:ejabberd_s2s_out:892) : Closing connection with jabber.ru: timeout